So many, yet so little money ....

SNSD and Ayumi Hamasaki, you guys are mean !

1. Ayumi Hamasaki 7 days Special dvd ( RM unknown )

2. Ayumi Hamasaki Arena Tour 2009 DVD ( RM 82.00 )

3. Girls' Generation The 1st Asia Tour Live Songs CD ( RM 57.30 )

4. Ayumi Hamasaki Countdown live 2010-2011 Tickets ( Rm 300 + and airfare =[ )

5. Ayumi Hamasaki Rock n Roll Circus Box Set ( RM unknown )
6. Countdown Live 2009-2010 Future Classics ( RM 80.20 )

7. SNSD New Beginning of GG ( RM 149.50 )

8. Ayumi Hamasaki Arena Tour 2010 DVD ( Not out yet )

sigh... and dont even mention the other cd's i want =((

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I wish i had a unlimited budget on CDs... And yes, i like to buy cds and dvds.... but only if they are worth it....

And Ayumi Hamasaki is coming out with a 3D concert =( sigh.....

AND ! She got new album and single... That woman..... Stop working so hard !

Tomorrow is my moral presentation....

I'm so nervous as im so very not good in public speaking....

But oh wells.... everybody has to go thru it so yup ! I must do my best.....

Besides that, am quite not satisfied about the vid but... oh wells....

whatever lah... it is done and its too late to do any editting...

I just hope teacher doesnt get bored watching coz its more than 2 mins !

Which ad is 2 mins long.....

But then again, the vid i made was a bit too short....

Sigh....

I just hope all goes well tml...

I dont want my group to be stopped halfway because of boring-ness =((

This is the first time im so early in uni....

gosh... it feels so... empty...

anyways... finals are in 2 weeks and this is my last class !

so excited that classes are finally over but then exams are starting soon....

me no like exams =(

a random rant but,

i've got too many cuts on my fingers and hands !!

thanks to working in that bakery..

But its fun...

So here's what we did...

my friend sam and i bought some fresh cream from the bakery...

and well, stole some other stuffs...

and we made our own cake !

a very nice creamy one... and because its plain fresh cream, and not mousse..

Its like an ice cream cake coz its put into a freezer....

ah la la la la !

eventho i dont like cake but this one looks delicious...

cant wait to consume it !

also, to my bestie maka....

not sure if you will read my blog anymore,

but this post is half dedicated to you =)

Happy birthday !

Tho you are just a few days younger than me but you've always been the older one...

Thanks for all the times u cared for me...

tho sometimes it was very annoying.... =.=

but i appreciate it...

And sometimes when i have no money for lunch coz i overspent my allowance...

You will push money into my hands so that i could eat something and not go empty stomach-ed

and the times i would really want to share nice songs and ayumi's to someone...

and sometimes eventho i kno you are not interested, you will bear with it and listen to them...

So thank you and thank God you were borned =)

SO happy birthday again,

and if you read this by today, good. If not, then watch out for your sabo !!!!

i dreamt that i met ayumi....

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i think i really need to get one day and catch up with my sleep...

i have fallen asleep while driving too many times...

thank God i shot awake before i crash into something....

if anybody said form six was harder compared to uni...

they were lying !

i've never been so tired...

so pressured and also rushed....

but i have to admit...

uni is so much more fun compared to form 6 =P

anyway...

im so looking forward to tuesday....

why ?

because there will be no classes !

tho i have to tutor my cousin...

but heck ! no classes !

means i can sleep in....

and i can finally make my trip to somewhere which i have been wanting to go for sometime ade...

to get some stuff....

and then at night going out with some friends from the bakery and also maybe bb friends...

weeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tho now that i thought of it;.... i shud have planned a 2 days 1 night trip ! since tues and wed is kinda like a holiday ! i shud have.. ish..... now too late to plan ade.... meh !

but i guess its good in a way la... i can rest....

lol.... unless my leg and hand itchy ....

and oh ! yesterday was the last meeting for bb....

no doubt, i am happy for the break...

but im sure i will miss the kids and officers very much....

oh well... got to wait til next year to see most of them ....

oh wells =)

k la..

i need sleep

nite blog..

i. feel. tolerated.

tears...

Peacehaven =) Missed this place...

I'm only wishing that we can go up to genting maybe.....

Or something like that la =D

I hope this is the holiday im waiting for...

It's okay if its a planning meeting....

As long as i get to chill and also relax =D

LA LA LA LA LA LA !!!

BLA DA BLA DA BLA DA BLA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

phew !

Cranberries =D

Am in moral now...

3 hours of moral..

Don't get me wrong...

There are some interesting topics and the teacher is awesome...

Its just that i would so much rather be at Skytrax with the rest instead of being here....

Tho i most prolly wouldnt go up the thingey and stuff...

Oh wells.....

Anyway,

I'm finally flowing into uni life...

Assignments are usual and normal now

Classes are fun and not as dreadful anymore...

Quizes and sudden tests are not as shocking anymore...

Tho i really miss those times when i had all the times in my hands

Yes yes, some of you may say that i should manage my time properly...

But come on !

Classes, two jobs and BB stuff...

Its like, no breaks in betweens k !

And now im stressing over BB things coz i cant find the time to finish up the awards camp stuff...

I really hope i can find the time to do it coz i really really don't want to disappoint anyone...

Tho, in all honesty =P I'm actually enjoying myself amidst all this busyness =DDDD

I love the stress and the pressure and the rush and stuff !

Don't get me wrong, i do want to pull out my hair sometimes and also punch some ppl =P

BUT ITS FUN !

I miss freer times, but i also don't miss it....

Okay, as some of you have been shocked and stuff...

I have been working in a bakery for about 2 months now...

No i'm not telling you where coz i don't wanna see your faces when im working...

I love the job eventho its tiring...

I guess its the ppl i work with... They make it worthwhile...

And also, im tutoring my cousin...

And she is a handful... No wait, two handfuls... Wait, make it Both my hands and feet...

But, well... Trains my patience i guess =P

Okay,i suddenly feel a big wave of laziness over me...

I shall stop blogging...

=P

need to pay ATTENTION in MORAL class =P

Been a long time since I've been here

Been a long time since i got some good sleep too ! Instead of 2 hours min and 4 hours max every single day...

Last night i had not the best, but it was the most refreshing sleep ever...

It was in the past few days where i have been facing the effects of the low sleep syndrome...

I began falling asleep without knowing and unintentionally ... almost anywhere....

Scenario one :

Was in Maka's car on the way back from curve after a dinner... Was discussing worship songs and scrolling my ipod songs to find suitable ones.... Next thing i know, maka woke me up and took the ipod from my hand.... Then i fell back asleep instantly.... Only to realise what happen when i reached my home.... LOLS...

Scenario two :

Was in my car... Waiting for Carmen.. Was talking while waiting for time to pass... Next thing i know, She woke me up coz it was time to leave.... LOLS....

I shall not give anymore examples.... But yup... Kids, please listen to your mom and sleep early .... It is a good thing i did not fall asleep while driving.... That wouldn't be funny....

Besides falling asleep... Uni wasnt as easy as everybody said it would be... And studying things that i don't really like, doesnt really add F-U-N into it too.... But well, i am having some fun =)) Besides the screwed up math test =.=

Im so excited.... 5 more days =)))))

And ! Other thoughts aside.... I have a dilemma.... Should i plan a holiday overseas or locally? If overseas... Spore ? HK ? Aus ? OR KOREA AND JAPAN ????? In my dreams.... But yup... Where ah..... I haven't been to spore before.... Lol.... and going to thailand with guys wouldnt be a good idea because they wouldnt enjoy shopping.... Unless its all girls.... AIYA ! Dunno la..

I just WANT and NEED a holiday ......

I need a camping outing or a road trip or a holiday overseas badly !

option C

why is it that everytime, everytime....

someone gives you something to decide....

ends up, its them deciding, and then you choosing...

and whats worse, they only give u you two choices...

die or to not die....

why? why cant there be an option C ?

so stop saying you are letting me decide, coz in truth.. you are just asking me to choose

not decide... coz if i were to decide....

i would decide on option C.

As some of you know, i took up a part time job to get money to get a dog on my own....
Pretty tiring and sometimes it right after classes....
But i really know its worth it...
But.... As i have written on my last post...
Oh wells....

Now that i already lost all reason and motivation to work..

I don't want to work already... But..

I'll just continue, maybe my determination may change my family's minds...

Worse comes to worse, i can use the money to go get new gadgets, clothes, shoes and accessories =)

Btw esther, if you are reading this that is, as shocking as it may sound.. I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR SHOES TOO ! i have some that i bought just to feast my eyes and i have never worn them =P But now cannot buy ade, no more money =( But shoe shops still magnets me in .......... Then i'll go emo after that.... =P

Anyway,

besides my all packed schedule, i think im pretty much enjoying it =) It WAY BETTER than having nothing to do and bumming around...

Okay, i'm off to bed.... No stamina ade...

Don't know where else to express my disappointment and sadness...

It may not seem like a big deal or any matter...

But to me, it does.

Ever since young, i have always wanted a dog. Big small medium. Any size, any dog. I just want a dog. I can even settle for a cat.

But no, never did i ever get one.

I did when i was about 13. My parents miraculously allowed me and we got one.

But i was young and i had no idea how to take care of him. But i loved him and always went out to play with him. Feed him. Bully him. I was even terrified when he crawled his way into my internal drainage system. But one day, my parents decided, no. We should not have a dog. And my poor dog. Was given away. To some strangers they met at the market for 2 bags of sugars. 2 bags of sugars. I will never forget it. I didn't even have the chance to hold him and give him away myself. The last time i saw him, was to say bye and head of to school. Looking out of my car window, hoping that when i come home, he will still be there. But no. I never saw him again after that. I didnt even get to name him.

I have been hoping for a dog ever since. Yearning for one. Thinking of many ways to convince my parents and to get a dog. And recently, a hope and chance to get a dog surfaced. I was so happy and motivated that i even got a job just so i could buy the dog, food and stuff. Eventhough i really didn't want to work, i told myself that this was one of my only chances to get a dog. Any other way was that i had to wait til i grow up and have my own house. My hopes were high and i was excited and motivated to even work for it. But just a few minutes ago, my hopes has been broken and crushed. Coz the only way i could get a dog was that if someone in my house would agree and support me. But the only person who did, backed down.

I am so sad and disappointed. So much that i want to just cry and punch my pillow. Is it wrong to want a dog? The joy when your dog comes running to you. The fun when they play with you. And the excitement when they have learnt to listen to you. Sure there will be poop and all. But i don't mind. But all these said. Sigh. I don't think i'll ever get a dog until i start working and living on my own. Sigh, why is it that i can never get things that i want.

Someone asked me, what makes you happy. Besides friends and lovers and stuff like tht. And i answered playing music and dogs. Everytime i see a dog, my hearts aches and yearns for one. When i see stray dogs, as dirty as they are, i would want to touch them and give them a pat on their head. When i see a dog in a house, i would wish that i owned the dog. And if they are not barking at me, i would go over and ruffle their head, talk to them and praise it. But all said, my love for dogs, i have only been able to admire and yearn with heart aches and disappointment. Coz deep down inside, i knew, i couldn't take them home.

Music lessons. Dog. Is that too much to ask ?

I'm so bitter. That my older sis got piano lessons. That when my sisters were younger, they got to keep some small pets. And more things which i shouldn't say them out here. But i'm just so bitter. But, oh wells. I guess things just doesn't always come your way.

Sigh.

I really don't know why. Why not. Why can't they say, what if. Sigh, i should just stop hoping for things. Or stop trusting what people say altogether. Maybe this way, i won't get disappointed anymore. There was once a stranger i met, and he told me tht his motto in life is that he will always hope for the worst. So that if it does become worse, he wouldn't be as disappointed. But if it turns out well, he will be happy . Maybe i should do that too.

strong heart.

i thought i was a strong girl at heart.

But i found someone even stronger.

My mom.

Mom, i truly respect you. and love you.

No matter what u have done or have not done for me.

In my heart, i know that you are one of the strongest people i have ever met in my life.

Thanks mom, for being my mom.

May God bless you 10 times the blessing that you have been to us and others.

SO MANY THINGS TO DO !

but i'm enjoying it =D it's so much better than bumming around and wasting money.....

la la la la la !

Things to do :-

1. Organize my room

2. Organize my timetable and activities properly

3. Think of a way on how to organize my notes and study stuff to be more effective

4. Gym every week to get my stamina back ( and a few muscles =P )

5. Organize my clothes cupboard and throw out some old clothes, and move in some new ones !

6. Rearrange my collection of Ayumi DVDs and CDs. And others too.

7. Turn out my whole dresser and side cupboard and RE-organize to be more accessible than to have to dig everytime i wanna find something

8. Go find my faculty Head to ask why is my status still pending =(

9. Go buy those uni stuffs

10. Buy more heels

11. Buy another shoe

12. Get some flats and nicer slippers and throw away my old ones

13. get a really nice cardigan or sweater or jacket or all three

14. Put all the Awards application things in BB room.

15. Find out if i realy need the desktop in my room.

16. Change my bed sheet. The one my dad put for me is pink with butterflies. And i dun like butterflies. and the shade of pink is, blech !

17. Put up a stretch of black card boards in my room as wall of memories and also reminders.

18. Get a nice carpet to put in my room

19. Put the hammer-like-maze into BB room or give to mark.

20. Bug dad to let me continue my violin.

There. 20 things im gonna make myself finish doing in 1 week. Except for the buying and stuff, that might have to wait awhile.... spend too much ade....

i have ONE class on monday.

HOORRAAYYY !

wait. its moral. 2 - 5 .

=.=!

F

One of the things i really hate about the young generation nowadays, is that they like to put unnecessary words into their sentences. Dah lah your english tak baik, still nak add sini sana ??

Don't know what im talking about ?

Okay, let me give you a few examples. Mind you, these are live samples.

Walau ! Damn F**k la ! What is he F**king trying to do ?! Go F**k somewhere else la

OR

A : Eh sh*t As* F***er, you finish your assignment ade ah ?

B : F*** la, that Blo*** Sh*t da** hard la...

A : Hard meh ? Use your F***ed up brain la!

B : Eh sh*t man, don't so LC can or not.

OR

Eh F**ker !

OR

FML FML FML FML FML !!!!!

OR

WHAT THE F**K ?!?!?!

i think you guys get the point right ?

Sometimes i wonder why is it so hard to just speak normally. Is it that cool to speak like that ? Well, to those who think it is, i think you guys are just plain pathetic. Do you not realise, that by speaking that way kinda just makes you guys low class? Its so, wannabe like. What exactly are you guys trying to portray ? What exactly are you guys trying to get out of it ? I do admit that sometimes when i'm mad, those kind of words pop into my brain in a millisecond, but can't you guys try to stop that transmission from the brain to your mouth ? It SO NOT cool. And to those who use it like , super often. Is your vocab that limited ? I mean want to use also dont go spam it all over your vocab and sentences la.

Nowadays i see people posting on FB , FML FML . OR F this F that. Or BLA BLA BLA. FML !

Do you guys even know what it means ? Do you guys even know what you are saying about or to your life ? Gosh ! Annoying lah !

If you are trying to get ppl to respect you, or to listen to you , or to be afraid or you. I'm so so so sorry. I for one, HATE people like that. I do NOT respect OR listen to people like that. Much less, fearing you. If you want ppl to respect you, why not earn it the right way? Don't you think it lasts longer ? And its more probable. And if you think speaking like that makes people highly regard you or look up to you, LOL.

Sorry for the musings and rantings. But i just cant stand being near these ppl. In fact, i look very very down on them. =.=

Quotes MDM Sho, ' Young people nowadays...... '

Gosh, so many wants....
But no ke-chinggss !!!

Oh well.....

things i thought i would never do

i. danced. like. a. chicken. in. front. of. everyone.


Lol, orientation day 2 today, i think less than half the people came...
which i regretted going at first, but! i'm glad i did.... i had FUN !!
Oh ! and i signed up for CF and dodegeball =DDDD

Ah... too tired.... to blog....
massage chair, here i come !!!

the smells of a new page.

Life has many phases, or as many of us like to call them, chapters....

Many of the chapters in my life has closed, some still open, some heavy hearted to close....

But today, we shall not elaborate on those chapters

Whereas, i shall write more about this new chapter of my life that has begun today.

Finally, i have reached tertiary education.....

This was a moment i had been waiting for for too long !

To experience the life as an independent student...

To experience the university spirit ....

To experience total unknown atmosphere....

To experience stepping into grounds where i knew no one.....

As today has marked a close in my bumming days, and a fresh new page opened for this new chapter....

I can't help but wonder, what does it hold for me ?

What will these empty pages be filled with ?

Will i have a wonderful university life?

Will i have a horrible one ?

Will i be a loner for the rest of my pages?

Or will i be able to find awesome friends to hang out with ?

I can't help but worry that i would be a loner for the rest of my uni days.....

Everything seemed so foreign !!

As i was eating my dinner, i kept thinking...

What societies will i join ?

Will i be able to play sports anymore?

If yes, DODGEBALL SOUNDS AWESOME !!

I bet too many people will be in badminton, so i think i will pack my rest my badminton days...

Sides, my back can't take it =.= *mumbles mumbles*

And all the sudden, a big big question popped into my brain....

Will i continue serving in Children's Ministry ?

Will i continue serving in 10thKL ?

Answers to these questions, i don't know.

Then more and more questions popped up....

And i concluded, i am afraid.

I'm afraid of what the future holds for me.

I'm afraid of who i meet.

I'm afraid.

That said, plenty of other exciting things ran thru my brain as well.

As for one, I WANT TO JOIN DODGEBALL !!!!

And i saw a picture of a chamber choir thingey .....

I'm gonna go check that out....

And im a automatic member of SASSA....

Lol, sounds ... Yummy ? Make up ?

Lol.... It stands for some Society of allied sciences thing.......

Sounds like so mega but, the t-shirt is so... no comment....

Hmmm, besides that, there was a problem with my online account thing....

So up again i have to go to the registrar office tomorrow to sort it out =.=

I was really hoping on getting my course selection and timetable thing done today....

But i guess it would have to wait .

Tomorrows another day of orientation,

i'm full of questions in my brain again... OF WHICH, i will not type them out....

But yup ! PHEWW !! I survived the first day =)

Yea yea, everyone was right, it would be okay , bla bla bla....

But come on ! Everyone has first day jitters right? right ?

RIGHT !

Okay,now i dont feel that pathetic... Wa la la la la la !

So... full force ahead from now on ! Got to oil those machines in my brain....

It's time to embark ...... , wait... I have NOW embarked on a new journey !

Time to embrace good things that come along, a punch off bad things that blocks my way !

DODGEBALL !!

a whole new chapter begins....

i really dont know what lies in the future for me

deep breaths... i'll brave this.....

even if drastic changes happen.....

i just hope uni would be fun, so then it'll be one less thing to worry...

i want a dog =(

awards day is over...

feels like a heavy thing just lifted of my shoulder

tho i kno my duties have not finished

but just a relieved... satisfied tht its over....

disappointed tht the singing team didnt get mike justice again

thought i could have done much better for MC-ing...

and a few stupid mistakes were done for awards....

ish.... But all in all...

at least its over =)

uni is starting in 4 days....

eventho everyone says its nothing wan lah

dont worry so much

aiyo, you worry for nothing la

BUT I BET YOU THEY FELT THE SAME WAY WHEN THEY WERE ABOUT TO ENTER !!!

yes im pretty excited....

but at the same time, nervous

i havent really learnt to just leave my future to God

so i keep fearing it....

there's just so much i need to learn

and so much to improve

yet, so little time.....

sometimes before one thing ends, or ended but havent even got time to evaluate

another thing comes by

another thing i have realised of myself these days is tht

im becoming weaker

more.... vulnerable.....

i used to be able to tune out everything or not let remarks hit me

i used to be able to stand thru hard times

i used to be able to smile to hide whatever i felt inside

but nowadays, all i realise im doing, is tht i no longer try to do the three above

instead, i have to try super hard to hold tears back

TEARS !!!

GOSH !!! I cant believe it...

since when have i become a cry baby ?!

It's scaring me

So much that i push ppl away more and more nowadays

and well, ts is getting too personal to share on a blog....

lol......

but yup.... sighs of relieve....

one duty is done... give me a day or two's break before i embrace uni life

oh.... and the awards stuff for quarter 3........

oh.... and violin......

i need a holiday..... like one with just 2 or 3 friends.... sitting by the beach....

those kind....

its been so long since i updated.

ppl ask why, ppl ask to update.

but i dont know why, i just dont have the inspiration to write

well, until now....

i really dont know what to write and im just writing what i think as i go

the year is almost ending

fast isnt it? and yet, nothing much has changed in my life

well, besides realising im becoming more ... i dont even know the word....

but i really dont know and dun care how ppl think of me now

why spend so much time thinking and worrying ?

why not just be yourself, settle yourself

and thats what i have been doing this whole year

so many break downs

so many hurts and failures

so many tears falling down the cheeks

so many things to do but dont know where to start

but of it all, i dont know why

i keep standing back up

and today

i realised it... its not because im strong

its because i have a bunch of friends supporting me as i go

and of course, God

and also crystal clear beautiful and happy memories and moments

i had never had so much joy and contentment before

so much to remember and so much to smile for

they just covers the pains and hurts i felt and feel

but then again,

maybe its all just a dream.

*drum rollsssss*

And 10th Kuala Lumpur company has not only won a place in the Drill Competition Finals................

WE WON A PLACE IN THE SINGING COMPETITION FINALS TOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMGOSH !!!!!!!!! GOD IS SO SO SO SO GOOD AND AWESOME I TELL YOU !

a moment there.... we thought of disbanning the team....

then we trained and it seemed so impossible to get them to sing properly...

then we managed to get everything settled and recorded....

then we almost got disqualified for the extra 5 seconds....

BUT NOW !!!!!!!!!!!

ITS ALL SO SO SO SO WORTH IT !!!!!!!!!

GOD HAS DONE A MIRACLE YET AGAIN IN 10THKL !!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*HUGS EVERYONE*

now have to train them hard and crazy *evil laughter*

Sooooooooooo.....

As some of you may know..

I am now staying in Penang for some time...

So yup... A little update on my stay here...

LIZARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I TELL YOU !!!!!!!!!!

LIZARDS HERE AND THERE !!!!!!!!!! =.=

I do not like lizards... like seriously....

So i look very much forward to going home on the weekends that i can go back down...

But yup...

Besides that..

Hmmmmm..... I fixed my nokia... so now i got my beautiful phone back...

and erm...

oh ! my ipod kena virus =(

i'm trying to think how to fix it coz i dowan to lose all my data ...

Oh and i have been doing pretty much nothing here besides reading the bible and devotionals and onlining and bathing and sleeping... and occasionally hitting the malls...

Gosh.. over here you can bathe for like 5 times and still not feel clean...

coz its not only humid... its sticky coz we're so near the sea....

and did i mention the place i stay is in MBTS...

and they are on a hill and there are many steps and slopes...

so everywhere i go... climb climb climb... =.=

and i help out in the kitchen...

so yup... its chop chop chop...

and thanks to my nails...

they have saved my fingers from getting cut and shaven off...

but also no thanks coz now my nails, instead of all nice and straight and long and beautiful...

they are all now weird shape and diff lengths... >=(

besides that... i miss home =(

and i miss my friends back home...

i miss the cc-ing and window shoppings and random outings.....

now im trying to save money to go singapore....

me wanna go =))))))

either tht or to australia...

=)

wow.

finally broken. but will be fixed and definitely be working again.

passion becoming frustration.

Bad week. Very very bad week.

Screwed interview. Accident. Bad report done. Phone fell sick and died. W. Sim card missing.

Great and awesome huh...

So i apologize first if i happen to bite anyone .....

Ish, i hope this bad streak doesn't last..

failed. BUT WON'T STOP TRYING ! BAREBA !!!!!!!

i don't want to. Sigh.

Today. I wish every second i could. But i couldn't. Oh wells. At least i did manage a little.

Questions & Answers =D

OKAY ! Its been a long time since i really blogged....

Sorry peeps....

So yea, many questions have been asked and im so tried of answering them...

So i thought i'll blog them down instead...

Many friends and parents have been asking me what are my plans for this year, What i want to do, How was year 2009 for you and how am i. So lets start backwards shall we ?

Currently, i'm fine =) Healthy, not tht fit but durable, bumming at home and still loving God. Been wasting lotsa time these few days just hanging out with different people , sometimes same people. Not that i do not appreciate their company ( please don't get me wrong ) , but i guess my dad is right that i cant do that everyday marrr..... Besides that, things have been going pretty well and time has been flying pass very quickly ! It frightens me at times... Can you believe that it is already a week into a year already ?So fast.....

Year 2009 was pretty eventful. Lotsa drama and happenings. Good and bad. But LOL, nah, i dun think i wanna review my year here. THIS question you guys can ask me personally =) But my, 2009 swept by super fast....... I think its coz im getting older =(

Next, What do i wanna do. Meaning my major and which uni and stuff like that. Honestly, im not that decided yet. But i narrowed it down to two of my interest. Interior Design and Business Management. But its a big possibility that i will take business management coz interior design not tht laku in msia. Correct me if i'm wrong tho. But yea, this is what i'll most probably major in UNLESS God suddenly shows me His Big Plans and shows me what i should major in instead. If not, then yea lor... Hope i'm making the right decision. Still praying about it =) As for which uni, still scouting around for an affordable yet recognized and good university. Also, i'm waiting for my results. Many of you may think, eh ? I thought you were a science student ? Yea, i am. But i find that my interest and forte is not in science but in arts. So i decided i will pursue in that stream instead. UNLESS, God says otherwise.................................

PLANS ! I guess this boils down to BB and Church. Well for BB, i am in charge of one thing. And am currently panicking about it. Hoping and hoping i will do a good job. Honestly, i kinda doubt myself and have many many second thoughts about whether i can live up to Esther's standard and expectations. I am afraid of many things. Afraid i may not plan the right things. Afraid of not being able to follow schedules. Afraid of messing things up. Afraid of classes done not sufficient or good enough. Afraid to drop the standard. I'm just so afraid of not being able to hold up to what is expected of me. I mean yea, people may say whats the big deal about it. Its an easy task what. Why sweat? But for me, its not only a task, its also a test. It's to see if i can manage and handle things properly. And i myself am afraid of failing my own expectations and goals. Besides that, the question of staying in 10thkl still lingers in my mind. Sure my passion is still there. And i'm so heavy hearted to leave. But, well... i guess i have my reasons of leaving too. But lets just see how it goes =)

Church. Late last year, i decided to take a sabbatical or maybe resign from serving in Children's Ministry. But looking at the situation now, i don't think i can. Petrina left, that leaves no one to play the piano after matilda goes back to australia. Rjay, Aaron and Gabriel are all having their importand education years. PMR and SPM. Meaning they will take sabbatical middle of the year. Which leaves only me. GREAT. How to leave ..... AIH..... Somemore this year they say children's camp no musicians. Sigh. SO torn. Yet my sister is also asking me to join her in switching churches. So if i leave this church, how to serve. Ah ! So torn. Decisions decisions. Which is why, still in praying process..... But i guess i have to settle these insecurities and decision makings asap so that i can determine the routes im taking this year .

All in all, I think this year had a pretty good start =) Tho i'm not admitting how old i am now, BUT ! I think i'm glad i lived this long and most importantly, i lived this long WITH God in my life. Can't imagine what would happen i didnt have Him. So yup ! This year will need a lot of prayer ! So people , KEEP ME IN PRAYER !!!! And prayerfully, God will direct me to the right routes for my future and decisions =) To all, God Bless you ....

oh and i forgot to mention, i'm looking for a job too =) So if any of you know of vacancies, let me know !